omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
