I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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