theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They have beer where we have blood.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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