If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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