I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
