I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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