STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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