guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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