I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
