Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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