I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
