So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
