im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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