She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
