his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize