you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
