I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
where does the pee come out of this thing
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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