Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
there is puke in my bra ... again
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