Your face is a jimmy john
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
