He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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