You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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