He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm having to shit out rocks
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