sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
