I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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