you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
