So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
