my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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