whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
