His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
