i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
