You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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