Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
