a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
