By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize