She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
