All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
