Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
