NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
