I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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