My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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