I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
