I am spending my child support on dildos
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think my moral compass just broke
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
