scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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