handjob tips. give me some.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
