i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize