sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i believe in u and ur pee
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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