just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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