Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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