Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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