He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
