Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
