Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
