just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
