Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
