do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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