It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
