My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
