And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
