I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
