Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
