Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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