someone threw a dead crab at me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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