Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
