why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
