At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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