Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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