I think my vagina is haunted
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
