I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
