Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Randomize
