And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
