i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
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