Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
