im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
