how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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