Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
