I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
