Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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