I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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