capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
did i just pee glitter
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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