I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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