if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
