he puts the penis in happiness.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
