like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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