I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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