Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drake has all the answers
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
