Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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