dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You can't motorboat a personality
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
