Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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