when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
