I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
