So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
