Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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