last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize