He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Randomize
