That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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