i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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