my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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