Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
