So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
