Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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